Ain't givin' up on love

One fact about having an agitated mind is that it doesn't give you the power of being mindful to little things.

Little things such as him not sending "Good morning" texts as often. Or him re-scheduling a date because although he's in the vicinity he doesn't want to be seen because he's not wearing the "proper" clothes. Or him replying to text messages an hour after you sent them.

Things like that.

An agitated mind doesn't let you see these small things that signal you to run.

I was opening up and doing the extra work but in the end, he fucked up. Or to put it more accurately, his subconscious mind fucked up. He's doing his end, yes, but his subconscious mind doesn't take bull shits. A no is a no is a no.

It's the end of him -- it should have been clear to me long before this Valentine tragedy.

Even so, I ain't givin' up on love.

In fact, I'm readying for the next.


;-)

Auto-pilot

Sinabi nang wag mag-auto-pilot, yan ang nangyari! Things fell apart. I didn't put God in my decision and actions.

Now, back to square one. I can die anytime now but since that is not an option I need to make this life of mine work. The flowers are still waiting for me. I can still be hope for the flowers.

And for this life to work I need to exert effort and I should never compromise these things:

1. Prayer
2. Communion with God
3. Yoga
4. Running
5. Literature

I have exchanged enjoyment of rich coffee as morning ritual with these 5. I went into auto-pilot. I started being comfortable and stopped exerting effort.

And look what it has done to me.

I am such a mess.

I hate this state of being. I hate coffee and the agitation it brings to my mind!

Why the hell did I start drinking it again?

Never again!

I am going to stop this caffeine addiction and go back to my sadhana.